Toots Are Funny

Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1609.  The name of the Captain’s community is the “Poop Deck”.  Somehow that seems appropriate given the frequent occurence of poop humor when you have a diaper dweller in the house.  Last night, however, the humor came from the eldest.
The Captain got home just after dinner – missing out on the well loved delicacy of tacquitos (Mrs. Captain saved me some). Since it was close to bedtime, the Captain decided to wait to eat and play with the eldest instead. 
Mrs. Captain had learned the child how to play Duck, Duck, Goose (for those who are unfamiliar with the game it does NOT involve pinching the gluteus maximus or minimus…that will get you slapped or arrested).  So there the three of us were playing Duck Duck Goose in an area not big enough to play Duck Duck Goose even if you are only playing with three people.
The eldest is going to stink at poker because she telegraphed when she was going to say “goose” EVERY time. She would freeze, look you straight in the eye, combust into a giggling mess, and then smack your head while simultaneously saying goose and running.
The laughter never ended.
Every time she ran. She tooted. And every time she tooted she fell down laughing.  She sounded like a Honda with a bad muffler and a laugh track.
Finally, she fell on the floor and exhaulted, “TOOTS ARE FUNNY. I CAN’T STOP TOOTING!” (Editor’s note: For those confused: TOOTING is a euphemism for flatulence, farting, making a stink, cutting the cheese, crop dusting, playing the tuba, the barking spider, the elephant call, the human whoopie cushion, the anti-Lysol, the stomach burp, the butt cough…you get my point.)
Apparently, the tacquitos should come with a side effect warning.  At any rate, I know the food I am feeding her the next time she is in a bad mood!
Well, it is time to make the donuts.  Sadly, I say that and there are never any donuts. Oh well.
Captain Out

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