The Bully

Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1646.
It is Friday and that should be a good thing.  However, today the Captain feels like that kid that picked on the school bully and now has a date with destiny behind the schoolhouse after the last bell.  You know, one of those, “Oh. So you think you’re bad, huh? Back of the school. Be there. I’ll be waiting.” Gulp. (Not that the Captain ever had a bully.  Okay, real talk. The Captain had two personal bullies from kindergarten until the seventh grade.  It was like having a consierge for threats, havoc, “accidental tackles” while playing four square, attempted stolen lunches, and hyena snickering.  The Captain is proud to say he never got beat up and never threw a punch.  Thank you Mr. Miyagi and Karate Kid 1-3. Wax on works. Trust me.  I caught a punch by accident.  It shocked and scared me and the bullies.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weekend is normally a good thing.  But the Captain has been aiding and abetting (whatever that means) the enemy in his very own garage.
The monstrosity of a wood playset sits in my garage.  Don’t let the enchanting smell of fresh cedar fool you.  This beast ain’t nice.Three boxes of assembly.  Three rounds with the heavyweight champion of the world.  And I’m Popeye – before the spinach.  Better yet, the Captain is more like Olive Oil when it comes to handiness and tools (I can break stuff like a champ, though).
Fortunately, I have a good neighbor who puts up with my ineptness and some other family and friends who are able to help out.
It is just an eerie feeling walking through the garage and coming face to face box with my foe. In the background I hear the sound of the Smoke Monster from Lost.  This playground set is waiting to swallow me whole.
The Captain is just trying to focus on the fact that his kids will love it.  His kids’ friends (whom we love) will love it.  The other neighborhood kids will…uh-oh. The Captain didn’t think that far ahead.  The Captain needs to go and reinforce the borders of the homestead.
Of course, if it rains all this is a moot point for another week.  Which means the boxes will simply haunt me for one week more.
Either way…it should be interesting.
Captain out…

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Categories: daughters, fatherhood, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “The Bully

  1. Barbara

    I know personally how intimidating those “easily assembled in 8 hours!!” boxes are…it took my husband and I two weekends (all Saturday and Sunday after church) and a Monday (that we took off work) to assemble our two turret, 3 swing monstrosity. They WILL have a blast, and you’ll have busted knuckles, numerous arguments over correct assembly, and your wife may well threaten to leave you with the children AND the player before its finished….but in the end, you can stand with the ones helping you construct this sweet cedar smelling destroyer of lives knowing you tackled something harder than rebuilding Mt Everest with tinker toys. It will be a sense of accomplishment like no other….until Christmas eve and bicycles come around again. 🙂

    • Barbara,
      If I ever get an award for anything, I want you to write my introduction. I feel heroic just by reading your comment and I haven’t done anything, but purchase the playset. Thanks for the warning and words of encouragement.

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