Captain’s Log. Spring Break Chronicles. Diaper Date 1666. So the Captain has been sick for most of Spring Break. Great way to rest and relax and enjoy the company of your family. Not. Anyways, the Captain took some cold medicine and a nap the other day and had a crazy dream. In that dream, the Diaper Dweller took over the blog. Here is what my 10 month old son wrote:
Captain’s Log. Little Buddy Chronicles. Diaper Date – I am not sure how to calculate this since I am only 10 months old. I have successfully hijacked the Captain’s Log. The man they call “Daddy” thought I was simply playing/chewing on his phone. Little does he know that through the use of a few Google searches and YouTube videos I have learned myself how to type and read. And so this is my attempt to get my message out to the world.
I may only be 10 months old (almost 11), but I have a lot to say. First of all, I like it when the dog licks me. My parental units constantly interfere and tell the poor canine “No”, to the point I thought that was her unfortunate name, but I enjoy it. She licks the snot and drool off of my face and that means that they won’t chase me around incessantly with that stupid kleenax thing trying to wipe my face. I hate tissues.
It is my job and personal joy to find small things and attempt to ingest them. Parentals. Stop. Interfering. It is how I discover things and how I boost my immunity. It will not be possible for me to fully develop the Super Serum in my blood if you don’t let me eat the paper I find on the floor. Great so you took a piece away from me – now you have to throw it away and the world is losing a superhero. When I can’t Hulk out it will be your fault.
Bananas. I hate them. It is also my inalienable right (I Googled that one, too) to smush and mash my food and rub it all over my face. Don’t “clean” me up. It’s how I make friends with the canine, fools. Darn you and your stupid hygiene.
I find it humorous that when I cry you do stupid things to make me laugh. I have realized that I always win this game. I will continue my mind control technique as long as you jump up and down like an idiot.
I need to learn the power of this walking thing. I have learned that this man they call “Daddy” is not as slow or stupid as he looks. He constantly foils my plans of consuming small pieces of trash. I do enjoy biting his fingers when he tries to fish things out of my mouth.
As for the one they call “Mommy” , I find it harder to fool this one, yet I realize that I have mind control capabilities over her too. All I have to do is cry, or pretend to be hungry and she lavishes me with attention.
The one they call “Sister” is the biggest puzzle. She shows me lots of love. She always preceded every action with a question like “Do you want to give Sister a hug?” or “DO you want to sit on Sister’s lap?”. But before I can answer she is squeezing me, or moving me, or trying to pick me up. I really enjoy her room. There are lots of things that I like to chew. Sometimes she cares. Sometimes she doesn’t. “Daddy” and “Mommy” seem to care more than she does – they never let me play in there alone.
My time is running short. I think “Daddy” has discovered me using my opposable thumbs. I will transmit more later. In the meantime, if you visit please drop paper, food, and shiny things. I like shiny things. Oh, and please excuse the drool – it just means I like you. Relish it.
Little Buddy out…
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