Trash Talk

Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2120. One of the many chores duties that I perform is being the waste management officer of our household.
That’s right…I take out the trash.
It is a fairly routine disgusting weekly ritual. I walk the rooms, empty the cans, and then take the bags to the curb. The trash man and I have not always been on the best terms. There was the time he refused to take my Christmas tree because it exceeded the 3 foot limit (it was 3.5 feet). So I shaved a half foot off and left the tree and clipped limb on the tree lawn (that’s what we call it where I’m from) for him to get.
Then there was the time it rained and the grass clippings bag broke. That joker took the bag and left the clippings on a piece of cardboard.
Then there was the time that the bag that had the cat litter exceeded the weight limit and so he left it there.
But my all time favorite? The time he yelled at me to hurry during the great ice storm of 2011. He came unexpectedly (trash pickup had been canceled for two days straight) and I as I walked slid down the ice covered driveway he barked at me to hurry. I slammed my can down in front of his truck (more because I lost my balance). He grumbled something under his breath, jumped out of his truck, snatched my trash can, and then proceeded to slip and fall. I laughed under my breath and then skated up my driveway. Captain 1 – Grumpy Trashman 0.
But I digress. We have a new trashman and I am not sure what he thinks of us yet. I will be really curious tomorrow. Mrs. Captain did some purging of broken toys. So buried in my can is a bag of misfit toys. The problem? There is a duck that still quacks. It’s a little freaky. It’s like the part of Peter and the Wolf where you can still hear the duck after he has been swallowed whole by the wolf. I still cry for that duck, but not this one. This is one broken Duck Dynasty.
Hopefully, it does not freak out the nice garbage man in the morning. I would hate to ruffle his feathers. Hopefully, it makes him chuckle a bit. In fact, I hope it QUACKS him up. For now…Captain out.
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