Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2122. Well yesterday was a win and a loss. The win is that I found the perfect black blanket from Goodwill that will serve as a tremendous pirate flag.
The loss? A Pinterest Project.
I partially blame Mrs, Captain for this. She jinxed me. Before I started the project, my lovely wife showed me a site called “Nailed It” where people attempted Pinterest Projects and they just didn’t quite turn out right. She thought it was hysterical. At the time, I did not.
I had spent over and hour in Home Depot finding the supplies.
The one piece I couldn’t find is the piece that attaches to the hose. So I improvised – with the aid of my friendly neighborhood Home Depot employee, Gary.
I showed him the pin on my Pinterest app (nothing manlier than discussing your pins in the aisle of Home Depot, right?). Gary thought it was a great idea and did not judge my minor Pinterest addiction.
We used a material called Shark Bite instead of PVC because it would more easily attach to the hose. Gary literally spent the better part of an hour with me. On a Pinterest project. Gary is awesome.
I got home and began to assemble the pieces. Visions of fatherhood glory played in my head as I envisioned every kid and parent wanting to come to our yard and play in our 5 squared foot sprinkler. I could charge admission and maybe set up a hot dog stand.
So this is how it was supposed to look.
And this is how it tuned out…
That’s right. I have the sprinkler system with performance anxiety.
So I read the comments to see if I had done something wrong. Turns out it happens to a lot of
guys Pinterest users. And I wasn’t the only one to not find the magical hose connector.
Well, I really nailed this one. Somewhere Mrs. Captain is laughing, but I’m not giving up. It is a really cool project. I have a few ideas of how I can make this thing better. And I’m sure that Gary will help me out again. I’ll let you know the progress, Poop Deck Community.
For now…Captain out.
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Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1986.
I have to admit there are times that I let my testosterone get the best of me. I like to lift heavy things, throw heavy things, and occasionally flex in mall mirrors while humming Hulk Hogan’s theme music (Real American) and buldging my eyes as big as I think my pythons (biceps) are.
Compounding this testosterone problem is the task of bringing in the groceries. I do a lot of the shopping, but even if I don’t I usually bring the groceries in the house.
How many of you face this challenge? My goal is to make as few trips as possible. Preferably one. I will crack the eggs, smash the bread, and destroy anything necessary in order to get all the groceries in quickly. I have no shame.
Eggs are easy to replace. Pride lasts forever. Write that down.
Now sometimes this is out of necessity – if it is cold, rainy, or if there is a rerun of Knight Rider or the A -Team on.
But honestly, most of the time I am merely trying to set a new PR (personal record) in grocery carrying ining (I know it ain’t a word. Just go with it.).
Enter Pinterest. Pinterest helped me become a better man.
Some may call it cheating. Some may consider it a performance enhancer, but I have discovered a secret – the caribiner. You know those things you put your water bottle, keys, or mountain climbing rope on?
Yeah, it is good for groceries too.
I wasn’t blessed with large hands. In fact, my hands are the only thing separating me from being a Norse god. That, and I’m not Norse.
Anyways, even with my Fetus Fists of Furry (TM), I am able to carry a bulk of the bags with the use of a caribiner.
Pinterest just upped my game. Now with the strength of Hercules, I am no longer hamstrung by the FFoF (FFF for short).
Imagine if I had two caribiners. Mind blown.
So what I am trying to tell you is a couple things –
1. Try a caribiner. It makes carrying bags easier. Two might be illegal, but ill have to try that first.
2. Pinterest can be manly. Don’t sleep on it!
That’s it for now. I’m gonna load up some bags and get a workout in. I might even volunteer to help an old lady carry her bags for some practice. As long as she doesn’t have eggs, bread, or anything breakable.
For now…Captain out!
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